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Tuesday, 18 September 2007

My Hero - Life Begins Again

Life begins at forty? In my case it has begun again at 58. In the last twelve months I have lived in a fool's paradise, cut off from reality, oblivious of my life up to then, as though I was in a dream from which I couldn't manage to wake up, despite reality's call to bring me back to my senses. The harder it tried, the faster I clung to my delusion.
I had caught the love bug for an internet Casanova. The initial symptoms were rapid heartbeat, excitement, intoxication, light-headedness. The outward symptoms were rapid weight loss, insomnia, extreme mood swings. It soon developed into an obsessive addiction. Hours upon hours of online chatting, text-messaging, phone calls. I saw nothing else. Everyday life was going to the dogs. A rock-solid relationship that had lasted over a quarter of a century was neglected, barely tolerated, even resented by the new person I had become. My marriage was tethering on the verge of disaster.
I was behaving like an irresponsible, uncontrollable teen-ager. My husband had become, in my eyes, my jailer, my stern-faced judge, my enemy. He couldn't understand what was going on, he only saw our relationship was quickly eroding and was trying to reach out and save me from myself. He has been there throughout my period of irrationality, gone through pangs of all kinds but has staunchily refused to let go of me. My hero. My knight in shining armour. A beacon in my darkness.
When the truth emerged - I have never been a skilful liar - he didn't spurn me, nor did he insult or threaten me. He was even prepared to step aside and let me start a new life with this person, had he been convinced it would be the right thing for me. Instead he quickly realised the awful danger I was heading for. He saw no prospect, no positive future for me. He needed to protect me, his sense of responsibility overcame humiliation and frustration. He didn't want to lose all that we shared, love as well as material wealth.
Luckily for me, the love bug suddenly stopped being virulent. I'd still be hooked, hadn't the internet Casanova quickly decided to dump me - for this I am thankful. I slowly came out of my comatose state to the painful realisation that nothing I had believed was true: I had fallen for a complete scam. I felt hurt and disappointed like a child who discovers Santa Claus doesn't exist.
Now I can build back on what is left of my relationship. Although I'm still hurting, I know my feelings for my husband have been strengthened and I am so grateful he hasn't given up on me, despite the ordeal. We are planning to spend a lot of time together, find our intimacy again, never hide anything from each other, no matter how painful. He is my universe, my lover, my eternal hero.
I love you, darling.

11 comments:

Kwika said...

Hi Dani thought I'd pop over for a looksee. I'm not liking the way things seem to be going over on Y360 either but I'll hang about there until I see which way the wind blows however I have opened an account here too. Just testing the water. Speak later.

Tiverton Solutions said...

I think your going to like this format

Morris said...

I already have my Y360 and a MySpace as well. I may come here eventually but right now I've signed on to have a link to you. I'm glad you and hubby have gotten back together. You are one of the sweetest people I know and I so want to see you happy.

I'm sorry you had to go the hard route but if it helps you in the long run...consider it an unexpected blessing. (((HUGZ))) My best to you both.

DaniBlue said...

Wow! I didn't expect my friends from 360 to pop over and say hello.
Thanks Kwika, Uncle Sal and Morris in particular for the warm, encouraging words. You are dear to me.
I must say, I genuinely liked 360, but it's running amok now. I'll try to re-post my old blogs here as well, at least those I consider the better ones.

Faerie said...

Hi my beautiful friend, I might like being able to blog on here.

Office Goddess said...

Hello there, Dani Blue! SO glad to hear things worked out for you and your wonderful hero. I can only imagine how marvelous it is to have such a caring and strong man in your life. I'm very happy for you! There's no man in my life still, but when there is, he will be close at hand I assure you! No surprises for me, thank you.

I keep hearing impending doom references to Y360 and it's got me a bit nervous! Some of my blogs I have saved to my email account notepad, but not all of them. I need to get the important ones saved for when things really go South!

You can count on me to pop in from time to time as well. Til the next time, Blessings and Hugs aplenty to you!!!

Morris said...

I wanted to ask if you are going to use your 360 or shall I delete it? (((HUGZ)))

DaniBlue said...

I am not closing my 360 account, hoping problems there will be solved. I find 360 very user-friendly and full of potential, shame that the administrators are not keen on maintaining the site properly. Maybe the numerous petitions they receive from us users will change their minds.
Thanks Faerie and Diana for your touching words. I wish you great happiness.

Tiverton Solutions said...

I would be happy to help you in any way I can, I can still be reached at 360 and you can ask me questions there or email: tivertonlogistics@yahoo.com
So ask away and I will do my best to assist you.

Sirkku said...

Dearest Dani,

I guess your blog is a good lesson for anyone. It could happend to anyone...I'm so happy you have a wonderful , caring husband who was able to make the right decision. Now it's only a way upwards for you and him :)Be happy! :)

Mon Capitaine said...

Elo Mama Dan... I missed you!! You don't have to be sorry for replying to me late.. I understand. :) So don't worry... You're always in my thoughts too... & in my heart.

I will might as well enjoy being here too... i will blog as soon as i have written something i would want my friends to know.. thank you for sharing... :D -Rachelle